Why am I not a frog?

Science has not yet found a way to turn me into an immortal frog, so that I may live in a lake forever, in bliss. When will this day come? Why are we wasting our efforts on space travel, world hunger, better cellphones, global warming, and three dimensional television sets? Clearly turning me into an immortal frog should be a top priority.

This past weekend, I was kayaking with my wife. She saw a frog swimming along the surface. He was fairly close to the middle of the lake, which seemed strange. Shouldn’t he be closer to shore? I paddled over to the frog and, using the blade of my paddle…