Corpse Television
“If pornography is made illegal, we will all become pornographers,” the presidential candidate said.
He was shot instantly. An assassin on a rooftop killed him using a pea shooter. The poor politician’s skull was thinner than an egg shell. Everyone knew it. So all it took to kill him was a pea, shot through a straw, with just a sharp breath of air.
Coincidentally, the air on planet earth was running out. So people were getting stupider and stupider with time. Which is why people with very thin skulls could run for president in the first place. And why people with such thin skulls existed.
They caught the assassin. He was put in a police car and whisked away to a secure location. They interrogated him, waterboarded him, and fed him stale donuts.
“Why’d you do it?” they asked him. “Why’d you do it?” Then they said it a third time for emphasis. “Why’d you do it?”
“I did it for fame. I did it to meet women. My neighbour’s dog laid out the plan for me.”
(Several policemen rushed off to arrest the dog.)
“I did it for fun, for shits and giggles. I did it because it was Tuesday.”
(Several policemen rushed off to arrest the publishers of calendars.)
