Nikolaus Maack – Medium

Nikolaus Maack
in
Rainbow Salad

Prison Cooks Love Cabbage

My former coworker, Louise, was in prison. She had been there about a year, when I arranged to visit her. We’d had some quarrels in the…

5 min readMay 8, 2023

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Prison Cooks Love Cabbage

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Nikolaus Maack

Don’t Throw Acid in a Baby’s Face (Without Asking me for Permission)

It’s almost impossible to offend me, unless you’re ACTIVELY trying to do so by torturing a puppy or throwing acid into the face of a baby…

4 min readApr 11, 2023

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Don’t Throw Acid in a Baby’s Face (Without Asking me for Permission)

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Nikolaus Maack

Another Man’s Passport

9 min readApr 4, 2023

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Another Man’s Passport

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Nikolaus Maack

Sex Objects

About 30 years ago, I was in university. Times were very different, back then. For example, it was possible to write a porn story and sell…

12 min readMar 19, 2023

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Sex Objects

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Nikolaus Maack

Visit the Dead of Bogota, Colombia

There are dead people in Bogota who want to help you with your problems. They’re in the cemetery. All you have to do is show up and ask…

7 min readMar 15, 2023

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Visit the Dead of Bogota, Colombia

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Nikolaus Maack

Corpse Television

“If pornography is made illegal, we will all become pornographers,” the presidential candidate said.

5 min readFeb 13, 2023

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Corpse Television

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Nikolaus Maack

Oh No, I am the Woke!

There are a lot of people freaking out about “woke” culture. I don’t get it.

6 min readDec 14, 2022

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Oh No, I am the Woke!

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Nikolaus Maack

Why am I not a frog?

Science has not yet found a way to turn me into an immortal frog, so that I may live in a lake forever, in bliss. When will this day come…

5 min readAug 22, 2022

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Why am I not a frog?

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Nikolaus Maack

Comic Strips to End Your Suffering

Life is extremely terrible. Everyone knows this. People who pretend not to know it are liars. Perhaps these five extremely sloppy and…

2 min readAug 22, 2022

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Comic Strips to End Your Suffering

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Nikolaus Maack

My Father Tears His Face Off

I remember how surprised and frightened we all were, the first time my father tore off his own face. He did it because no one had done the…

13 min readAug 9, 2022

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A badly drawn head where the face has been torn off, leaving a red raw hole where a face used to be. It’s more of a bad cartoon than something horrifying.

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Nikolaus Maack

Nikolaus Maack

I am a terrible person. I am on twitter as @lordjuiblex because he is the god of slime, sickness, and stupidity. Why don't you follow me? I am terrible.

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