It’s almost impossible to offend me, unless you’re ACTIVELY trying to do so by torturing a puppy or throwing acid into the face of a baby. Even then, if the baby is really bad, I’d probably be okay with it. …

When they gave me my new passport at the counter, there was another man’s passport underneath it. I picked it up along with my own. Did I do this on purpose? Or was it an accident? I’m not sure. But I took both passports. …

About 30 years ago, I was in university. Times were very different, back then. For example, it was possible to write a porn story and sell it to a “men’s magazine” for around $250. I was working on an English / Creative Writing degree and living in student residence. Most…

There are dead people in Bogota who want to help you with your problems. They’re in the cemetery. All you have to do is show up and ask them for help. All they want in return are flowers or candy. Maybe clean the statue on their grave. …

“If pornography is made illegal, we will all become pornographers,” the presidential candidate said. He was shot instantly. An assassin on a rooftop killed him using a pea shooter. The poor politician’s skull was thinner than an egg shell. Everyone knew it. …

There are a lot of people freaking out about “woke” culture. I don’t get it. “Good lord! People are hoping we will stop being racist and sexist! I am scared! What if they succeed and we all stop being racist? That would be terrible! …

Science has not yet found a way to turn me into an immortal frog, so that I may live in a lake forever, in bliss. When will this day come? Why are we wasting our efforts on space travel, world hunger, better cellphones, global warming, and three dimensional television sets…

Life is extremely terrible. Everyone knows this. People who pretend not to know it are liars. Perhaps these five extremely sloppy and stupid comic strips will distract you from your inevitable death.

I remember how surprised and frightened we all were, the first time my father tore off his own face. He did it because no one had done the dishes. He was angry. Both of his fists were clenched next to his forehead. His fingers dug into the flesh, just below…